The PF Women Team at our Annual Team Retreat ~ 2018 Today on Seth Godin's blog, he said: It's tempting to decide to make a profit first, then invest in training, people, facilities, promotion, customer service and most of all, doing important work. In general, though, it goes the other way. Yes, it does. If you are waiting to make a profit before you do these things, in my experience you're not going to make a profit. So many organizations, ministries and churches are struggling with financial issues. I know your pain. As anyone who follows our story knows, our ministry was in a ton of debt four years ago when I came on as director. Since that time, we've gotten out of debt and turned a profit every year. God has done amazing things through out team, for which we give Him the glory! I find that what Seth is saying here is absolutely true, with one disclaimer. For Christian leaders, spiritual disciplines must always be first. Before we started inve
Did you miss part one of this blog series? Check it out here.
Today we're talking about things NOT to do if you want to comfort someone who is hurting.
DON'T...
Let the fear
of saying the wrong thing lead to you saying nothing.
Push past your own
anxiety, and reach out. Learn what to say.
Share clichés
or pat answers like, “it all works out for the best” or “just turn it over to the Lord…”
Mimimize the loss, compare the loss, or share why YOU feel they were or are blessed by the loss.
Mimimize the loss, compare the loss, or share why YOU feel they were or are blessed by the loss.
For instance, when my husband and I lost our first child to a miscarriage, it was a horribly painful time. It was then that I learned just how much people lack wisdom on how to comfort people. As I was standing at the altar crying after the miscarriage, an older woman approached me and put an arm around me and said, "Pastor Deanna, I feel the Lord wants me to tell you it was for the best that you had the miscarriage. With the unhealthy direction your pregnancy was going, the baby probably would have been retarded anyway."
Yes, I am serious. That really happened.
First of all, what a horrible thing to say. Second, it just made me extremely angry and didn't help AT ALL.
Then a few weeks later another "older and wiser" lady approached me and said, "Don't be sad! You're young. You'll have more kids!" Hmmmmm. My question to her was, "So, if another young woman had a two year old that died would you say, "Oh, don't be sad. You're young...you'll have more kids?"
Grrrrrrrrrrr.
Larry and I have always keenly felt the loss of our first, although we went on to have three more. And, it took me about a year to move beyond the loss.
Pepper them
with platitudes like, “It’s okay, he’s with Jesus now” if a friend/family member has died.
Chances are your friend or family member probably doesn't WANT the other person to be with Jesus. They are grieving because they miss them. They may be angry that the person is with Jesus. People are not just processing where their loved one is -- but the fact that they miss them terribly and will not see them again here on earth.
Make theologically ridiculous statements.
Things like, "God took him/her because He needed another angel..."
Be Dimissive
"Well your grandmother was 93. Of course she was going to die…”
One again, it's not
just about the person who is gone, it’s about those left behind and how they
feel.
Minimizing
someone else’s loss is NEVER positive!
Tell the
person they have to be strong, or tell them not to cry.
Giving them a safe
place to express their pain is really important.
Put Them On a
Timetable
People move forward at a different pace.
Avoid saying things like: “Shouldn’t
you be over this by now?"
“Your
boyfriend broke up with you six months ago? Aren’t you dwelling on this for too
long?”
Again,
dismissing someone’s loss - never positive.
Tell them,
“God won’t give you more than you can bear.”
Not only is this just another Christian cliche, but quite honestly you have no idea the magnitude of the load they are bearing. They may be at a dangerous place emotionally or mentally where they can't bear any more without professional help. Be a compassionate, non-judgmental voice. If they say they can
bear no more, help them get professional assistance to bear up under the weight of their circumstance.
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