Lessons from Kathryn: I want

A lot of people are posting new year's resolutions on their blog today.  I have goals but I wouldn't call them resolutions.  The word resolutions comes from the word "resolute"  and with it a sense of unwavering finality.  Due to one of my recently developed goals for this year, resolutions just won't work for me.  As for goals I'm not going to post them all.  They were birthed from some recent personal coaching that I had from Kathryn.  The majority of what we discussed in that session was personal but what I will reveal here today is that she asked me to take time to consider what I want.

It's something I don't spend a lot of time doing, at least up until now.  I'm pretty focused much of the time on what I need to get done on behalf of other people.  I try desperately to follow the example of people like my grandmother.  But I have had to come to the realization that it's not a bad thing at least from time to time for a person to consider what they want.  This is difficult for someone who has always believed we will only find joy in living a completely selfless life.  I have learned that if you live completely selfless you will probably become resentful.  My grandmother and other saints like Mother Teresa seem to pull it off with ease.  Me, not so much.  More selfless?  Yes.  Completely?  No, because then we tend to completely leave ourselves off the list and most of us are not my grandma or Mother Teresa.  Although there are a few naive people who have likened me to a pentecostal Mother Teresa they have never seen me when I have just discovered that the kids have left the milk out of the fridge overnight and soured it...again.  Pentecostal, yes.  Mother Teresa, not a chance.  Come to think of it, Mother Teresa didn't have kids.  Well, I know she had the kids in the orphanage but they were too sick and weak to get up and leave milk out of a fridge.  Besides, there probably was no milk, there was no fridge.  Maybe that explains it.  

Moving right along, Kathryn recently asked me to consider what I want and make a list of those things and give consideration as to how to make those things reality.  She has a unique way of asking questions that cause a different type of introspection than one may be used to.  I like that.    One of my "I want" statements is this:
 
"I want to stop feeling like a failure when my goals are not met in the time that I think they should be."

I've always made new year's resolutions and to be honest I've achieved many of them.  Probably more than most people.  If I say, "I'm going to write a book this year," I do.  If I say, "I'm going to write and record songs this year," I do.  If I say, "I'm going to spend more time with my friends," I do.  But if I do not happen to achieve something I set as a resolution by December 31 of the year I become upset about it.  I brood about it, become depressed, even believing I'm a washed up failure.  And it's time for that to stop.   With the help of Jesus, plus a phenomenal person who is not only my boss but an amazing coach who invests time in me, I see some new achievements on the horizon, of a different kind. 

I've made my private list of "I wants".  They are comprised of twenty things I really do want, but am not going to allow myself to become depressed if they are not all accomplished, or completed in their entirety in 2010.  I have begun the journey of achieving them now, but they will be established in God's time.  [Incidentally, I probably should add that these goals are all in line with the Bible, and would be God-honoring.] 

Yes, I do have many aspirations.  I desire many things for 2010.  But for the first time, perhaps ever in my life, I will not feel like a failure if they are not indeed achieved within the next 12 months. 

Thanks Kathryn, for giving me permission to want.  

As for things on the lighter side that I want to accomplish this year...

I want to eat chocolate slower and not gobble it down in two seconds the moment I receive a piece.

I want to keep surprising everyone with my hair color.  (Surprise!!!  It's BROWN right now, can you believe it?  I can tell Larry isn't too thrilled. Don't worry babe, the blonde is coming back in four weeks.)

I want to listen to a Chipmunks CD while I cook supper. 

I want to have a Lifetime Movie Marathon soon, in my PJ's all day.

I want to hug a monkey.  (I love monkeys.  Yes, I know they are often dirty.  Yes, I know they can sometimes do gross things like pick their nose and worse.  Yes I know they can be mean.  Yes, I know you probably have all kinds of horror stories about them.  But I still love monkeys.)

What do you want?